Road Trippin' Relived

Finally, I have awoken from my self-induced food coma...I am sort of sad in that regards as I think I can chalk it up to being one of the best experiences of my life...if I overlook the part about being umm...slightly...uncomfortable! Oh, wait...many of my adoring fans were not present for my great dramatic exit into the land of the full...so maybe I should explain? I really have an entire trip to write about...two if you count my visit to the charming burrough of Queens two weeks ago...but I think I must start with my favorite part...

Picture it...one doggone cute starving hot dog trapped in a car with three humans - only one of them belonging to me...and they sit there for hours talking and jabbering about this grocery store they are stopping in that is filled with delacacies and tasty sample treats...and do they even think about me? I would be voting if they stopped shoving me under the front seat for stopping at a pet store in Connecticut...they just MIGHT have a dog treat that I haven't tried...but again, I ask, I relent,...DID THEY ASK ME?

So, we eventually get to the exit...we are almost out of Connecticut at this point and I have been trapped in the car for four hours without any bathroom sniffs since New Hampshire so I have only the clean, damp lake air filling my nostrils. My human thought it would be "nice" to take me for a little walk before the gaggle of humans made their way into the grocery store. Oh yeah...nice...more like completely torturous!!! I have to be walked way over on the edge of the parking lot far far away from the front of the grocery store...not even near any trash cans that might house some of the tender morsels from Stew's. It was like my human was embarassed to be seen with me...me so slim and trim and absolutely starving. I kept on straining to make my way to the front of the store but for once she wasn't letting me walk her...and yes, that situation has been since corrected and my human understands that I am always to be in control...so I refused to relieve myself instead and she took me back to the car, locked the doors, rolled down the windows (maybe in that order...she is human and NOT a rocket scientist)...and the three of them trolloped off in the direction of what could only be defined as doggie HEAVEN!

Harumph!!! I was sick with the thought of being trapped alone in a car while all those wonderful scents wafted in through the slightly cracked windows. The sleepy human...you know, the one with the long hair who thought that I could only understand my name if she repeated it over and over and over in a fast paced tone...had cleaned all the paper out of the car that I had hoped to lick and chew and bite at one more time before it was really ready to be declared trash. So, I scrounged around for another few minutes hoping the other human...the one who was prone to make me kiss the backseat human....had left her tasty chocolate covered almonds....I would have pretended for their sake that they were covered in that fake chocolcate stuff...the name escapes me at the moment. But I found nothing. I was sitting on the front seat sulking attempting to think up a plan to amuse myself...there was a stuffed duck that I could chew...the backseat human called it something like "Very Scary"...I would say that "Helly Smelly" would be more accurate...or I could pull all the yarn out of a blanket that was being made for Katie...or I could chew at the cap of the water bottles that had been left in the car.

For some reason, the yarn idea seemed the most appealing...I hopped into the backseat and started rummaging among the knitting needles when I realized where the wonderful scent was REALLY wafting from. Wouldn't you know that my human had overlooked the very thing that would bring me complete bliss in this world.

That is right folks...my bag of dog food...and not the old cheap stuff that she used to feed me...the stuff that was worth more than me per pound...was sitting right there in front of my cute doggie nose...I drooled for a moment or two before I gathered my wits and attempted to figure out how to disengage the clip from the bag. My human really did serve to help me out on that one...being an engineer, she had left some books laying around that I had perused through once or twice to help me out on opening things as quietly as possible...there was no need to be quiet this time, but speed would be of the essence.

I chewed a little bit below the clip, I chewed a little bit above the clip, and it was when I chewed a little bit on the clip that the thing snapped open and I was SOOOOOOOO happy! I charged into that bag like a bull...like a bull...like a bull charging an unsuspecting onlooker...hard and fast and with my eyes closed shut! My jaw plowed into that food and I just started gulping as fast as I could...about 10 times faster than I normally eat my food...I did not want to waste any time because those humans could come back at any moment and I didn't want them to suspect anything!

I must have eaten for a good 45 minutes...I mean I ate till I felt like I was going to burst and I ate till I felt like I was full...that is the first time that I have ever reached that state of oblivion...I don't know if humans have an equal feeling to it or not. But goshdarn, I wish that I had not waited so long to experience it...my human was finally getting soft...I hoped this little overlook would not damper my possibilities of it happening again soon. I think I was just beginning to experience what humans like to refer to as "food hallucinagens"...I was seeing bunnies broiled and baked with carmelized carrots dance before my eyes...I even tried to chase one of them...and ended up at the floor of the driver's seat.

It was when I tried to chase the chocolate cow with the ice cream entourage that I realized I was stuck...I mean I was SO FULL that I couldn't even drag my belly up onto the seat to get back to my bag of food...I had left he bag back there unfinished and opened. Those humans were definitely going to figure it out!!!

This is making me so very hungry...I'm gonna have to finish the telling of this tale later...gotta give my adoring fans something to wonder about at the very least!