General Gripe

I sit at home all day...well, sleep in real oblivion...and can you believe the nerve of my human to come home, not only late...but smelling of other canines?? I swear, she walked in that door last night and she reeked...of greasy-haired, mangy mutts! Why doesn't she have the decency to at least change clothes or take a shower so that I don't suspect that she is canine-cheating on me?

I am the most loveable of a love bug dog that ever did exist...and yet she has to go and get her pets, licks and snuggles in elsewhere? I swear!! Tomorrow, I am posting an add for a new human. I wonder if they have a website for that...oh my, that would be another great addition to my multi-million dollar empire...not only will I have my record label and my musical career...but I'll make tons 'o treats as my own dot-com enterprise!

Bleechka!!!!!!! to Becca...

As I try to keep my dedicated and devoted plans happy as clams digesting dog food...I felt the need to respond to the commentary posted by Becca...who, normally, I might say, gives one hell of a belly rub.

Becca wrote:

"Golden retrievers are barely better than beavers

Beavers, however, are bigger than Frankie.

I'm afraid your fellow dog being able to swim well doesn't say much about you...

I bet you would be good at singing, however. Karaoke soon?"

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I am sure you all remember when I posted the article...oh, I figured out the link thing...click on the title of the blog entry...about the golden retriever who did so well in the swim from Alcatraz? Well, it seems that the lovely Becca completely missed my point!

I was NOT comparing the likes of this Frankie dog to that of a golden retriever...rather it was a commentary on the state of the world and the ongoing struggle between the homo sapiens and the canines and the homo sapiens lack of understanding or utter stupidity that they in no way compare to the world of the understated canine...

Actually, I think the lovely Becca might have helped me prove my point even better by expressiong her own inability to fully understand the multitude with what I was trying to get across...AND she had the gall to compare me to a beaver!!!

First of all, I don't think I have ever seen a beaver up close...but I guess the poor beaver's teeth would give him right away...it must be terrible to not only BE a beaver but to have those god-awful buckteeth that you know are only good for one thing...wreaking havoc on weatherworn wood...and who in their right mind would chew on wood for fun? I guess the forlorn puppy might occassionaly stoop to the level of the beaver...but it is purely for the attention of our humans!

And as far as singing, I can carry quite the tune...but Karaoke?? PUHLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you know, why aren't you aware, that I, the one, the only Frankie Dog...am starting my worldwide tour sooner than you can strap a flip flop on the back of a bunny?

Karaoke...well, I never!! Maybe to prove myself I will need to start unveiling all the hit smashes in my upcoming album, "Frankie: Unleashed." Stay tuned, fellow fans...greatness is on the horizon!

The Tantilizing Trail of My Weekend Treats

Yikes! It has been literally weeks since I stretched my paws and typed away for the enjoyment of others...my human had a few problems...and she insisted on forcing me to live in a cage for a number of days while she pranced off to parts unknown engaging in who knows what kind of amusements...I need to get the story from her before I can fully update you on what I have been doing the past couple of weeks. Let me just say that I came back a slimmer Frankie dog...and we do NOT like to see that!

On a remarkable note, my morning walk left behind a delish and colorful summary of the fresh and juicy treats that I had consumed over the course of the weekend. For once, I, Frankie Dog, was given an ample and unending supply of treats...and not just any old treats mind you...but fresh-from-the-fields, handpicked-for-me blackberries and tomatoes! My leave-it-behinds this morning were quite a colorful contention of all that I indulged in! And they smelled quite nice I might mention...

AHhh!!! Just the thought of those blackberries dripping with their fragrant and sweet juice makes me want to smack my lips...if I had lips to smack...so to substitue I wack my tail against the leg of the dining room table while I eat it. ACK!! My human will know that I have been sneaking from Smelly's pile of berries when she gets home...I just dripped some of the uneraseable juice all over the rug...and she'll know that I have been standing on my hind legs...which I am forbidden to do...and all at the cost of filling my tummy. A back is a silly old thing to stand in the way of a full and unrumbling belly.

That last little sentence or two was very Winnie the Pooh-esque of me, don't you think? Not that I would ever attempt to imitate the personality of a great like Pooh...but really, can anyone compare to little old me and my love of all things digestable? I mean, now that I put a little more thought into it, Pooh was very limited in many ways...I mean what sort of animal limits himself ONLY to one food regardless of how good and lip-smackery it is? Come to think of it, Pooh did alot of the lip smacking as well...but I don't think that bears have lips anymore than dogs do...

Are humans the only ones with lips? Maybe that is why they insist on talking so much...they think that their faces with those lips are just so doggone special that they deserve to be heard. In all honesty, I have yet to meet a pair of lips...with the exception of my real owner's baby sister...that I can't get enough of.

Canines: One. Homo Sapiens: Zilch

As I perusing my pawful of a newspaper this morning...I came across the best news that I have read in an eternity.

I know...you can't decide which you should be more enthralled by...the fact that I, Frankie Dog, can read OR the fact that there was something good to read about.

Well, as luck would have it a canine...the golden retriever type...swam in a race from Alcatraz to the California cost and BEAT more than 400 human competitors. The link should be on this page somewhere...if the whole cutting and pasting thing worked...

I am so impressed with that goldie. One, because I have always heard rumors that goldies aren't the brightest of the pups...but I'll give them credit that they have to be slightly more with it than the homo sapiens that we encounter on a day to day basis...and I heard that they sometimes don't make the smartest decisions, the goldies I mean. Well, I wouldn't be caught dead in that cold Cali water...not only are there tons of fish that would probably try to take a bite out of my tail...it is SALT WATER! And do you know what salt water does for the coat? It completely makes you sticky and icky and when you roll in the sand to clean it off...well, even more sand sticks to you because of the salt. So, not only have you had to endure a cold swim but then a cold shower is in the future as well! ICK!! I keep my stand as anti-water.

Anyways, kudos to the goldie for making a grand show for us canines. He obviously has a much better technique than the human they took his photo next to. I mean what crazy human does breaststroke across rough waters? That is just about the slowest way that you could cross a body of water...I mean, dog paddle is even faster than that...and if we could lift our legs up over our heads you had better believe that us canines would be investing our time in learning freestyle and butterfly...but breaststroke is for the ducks!

Ahhh...finally the Monday of the week is done and over with...I can get a little rest in this morning on a clean pile of towels still warm from the drawer...My favorite!!!!!!!!

The Whipping of the Wind Beneath the Waggle of My Tail

I only have a few moments...300 to be precise...before my mean, unrelenting, cheapskate of a human locks me up again...while SHE goes out and enjoys herself...the NERVE...leaving the best part of her personality (WO - that is I in Chinese for you non-foreigners out there)...behind to sit and sulk and contemplate where to leave a little of my scent on the rug.

Can I tell you that tonight I had the best run ever since my little back incident? I mean, I don't think that any experience could beat the one that I just had...I took off at the speed of light...well, the speed of light if it had legs as short as mine...with the wind whipping beneath my tail as I let it streamline behind me...kind of like a rudder that directs...Oh wait, there I go with that boating terminology. Let me clear one thing up...I HATE BOATS. I hate things that float on the water, I hate things that swim in the water, and more so than anything else I hate being any part of the water.

So my tail wasn't a rudder...it was more like an udder...oh wait, cows have those...female cows at that. I really like the "udder" sound this evening so I am going to have to make up my own word for what my tail was like...My tail was like butter...there! I didn't even make up my own word!

My tail was like butter that is soft and set and is sliced through so cleanly...my tail was as scrumptions as butter dripping off an ear of corn as it whipped behind me through the grass...

Oh my...I am becoming quite hungry...guess I had better go eat...while I have the chance...and tell you about my running with the ants later.

A sniff and a lick...