Personnel Plea

I am currently interviewing for my own personal canine companion to follow me around outside as I take my lesuirely jaunts, frolic through the falling leaves, and sniff every last green blade of grass.  I would prefer someone who is not opposed to carrying my leash as I have a tendency to get a little crazy when I see really hairy dogs or ones that look like they just deserve to be bitten.  You must also have an endless supply of biodegradable baggies as I like to poop without warning and sometimes frequently.  Lastly, you must have a soothing voice and the ability to look away when I happen to stumble upon a delectable treat. 

 

FYI - my human knows nothing of this but can I tell you that she is spending more and more time at home trying to appease my every last need and it is driving me absolutely batty.  She scratches me, throws my ball but she refuses to just leave my container of treats open and accessible.  And when she walks me, she completely leads me out of the way of yummy things that litter the ground.  I can't take it!  I tried to get away from her the other evening during our nighttime walk but she caught on to quickly. 

 

See, this was the scenario.  We had crossed the field and had just reached my most absolute favorite place to sniff and snack.  Usually, there is at least peanuts for the squirrels strewn about or sunflower seeds for the birds.  My human hates birds - so I'm not usually allowed to play in the bird seed for too long.  Wow, a little off topic.  So, my human had gotten one of those things that attach to my leash that hold bags for my poop.  Well, genius that she is somehow managed to secure the tie thing only to the bag holder and not to the leash.  And, on top of that, she couldn't figure out where the bags ripped apart from one another.  So, there I was with a human with a bunch of bags a mile long mumbling loudly to herself about how she couldn't figure out where the perforation was.  EMBARASSING!

 

My human didn't hear them walk by...but I saw the Sheltie and her owner.  So, I figured this was my chance to leave my humiliation in my dust and stake out a tasty snack.  I started barking uncontrollably - which is hard to do on a whim - and ran with all my might towards the other dog.  Wouldn't you know it that instead of beelining out of my way as I was anticipating, the other dog sits down and waits for me to get there.  My human, in the meantime, has gotten a tighter grasp of my leash and is attempting to reel me back in...like a salmon trying to swim upstream (I'm working on my metaphors and similes these days - writing exercises to loosen my mind and get me back in my writing mode so you are just going to have to drift along with these fishy things).  I plow face first into the other dog...and get a mouthful of hair.  Let me just say that it was clear as a pig in a mud puddle that the dog had not been spending extra time in the bathtub as of late.

 

All that effort to make a break for a snack and all I get is a dirty hairball.  ECKHKHKSH (that would be the sound of me ejecting said hairball from my mouth)!  I dutifully gave up my hunt and followed my human inside and waited by my food bowl for dinner.  Another day, another treat lost.